When Your Stress Level is Sorely Tested

         It might have begun with your first spelling test in second grade.  Your stomach became queasy as you tried to recall all the right letters.  You might have felt your heart pounding and your knuckles turned white.  Your head might have hurt as you tried in vain to concentrate.  When you received a “D” on the test, your stress level only intensified.  You automatically viewed yourself as a failure.

         By the time it came to the SATs, you had been through years of test-taking.  Yet, when the moment of truth arrived, you found yourself biting the eraser on your pencil incessantly.  You found your eyes couldn’t quite focus, and your attention span seemed non-existent.  As a result of such reactions, you find yourself taking the SATs again and again, without appreciably improving your score.

          There can be little doubt that taking a test is a highly stressful experience, no matter what your age.  A test can determine whether you advance to the next grade…whether you’ll graduate from high school…whether you’ll get into college.  Because education is so critical to professional and financial advancement,  a test can be either the door to prosperity…or the roadblock to success.

          You have to realize that you’ll always be undergoing some stress when you take a test.  However, there are ways that you can minimize the amount of stress you feel.  For instance, you might take a course in how to prepare for tests.  This is especially important for taking the SATs and ACTs.  There are certain strategies you can use—such as answering the easiest questions first, learning to pace yourself, not panicking at the first question you don’t know the answer to.  These strategies can help you no matter what kind of a test you are taking.

            Another technique that has proven effective with many students is to take practice tests in anticipation of your exam.  While the questions you face on your actual exam will not be the same as the sample questions, they should prove to be similar.  In this way, you can prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for your exam. 

            Yet another important strategy to use is to make sure that you get plenty of rest the night before a test.  Fatigue can sap your strength, causing you to lose your concentration.  If you are tired, you are also likely to become frustrated as you go about your test.  The more frustrated you are, the worse your score is likely to be.  Making sure that you get a good night’s sleep the night before can improve your outlook immeasurably, giving you the positive attitude you need in order to succeed.

             Likewise, it is important that you get appropriate nutrition.  Sugary snacks can actually deplete your energy, making it harder for you to concentrate.  They can also add significantly to your stress level.  By eating a sensible diet of fruits, vegetables, lean meats, and whole grains, you can prepare yourself physically for the challenge of test-taking.  

             Another successful strategy can be to employ a tutor to assist you with your studying.  A tutor helps you to focus and can help to improve your study habits.  The tutor can also instill a certain measure of discipline in your preparations.  With your tutor’s support, you should feel more confident and better able to handle the stress of test-taking.

             In a similar vein, consider trying to find a mentor.  A mentor can act as a coach, helping to build your self-esteem.  You can learn a great deal from a mentor’s career.  He or she can share the strategies used in order to climb the ladder of success.  You might find your stress level decreasing significantly with a mentor on your side.

            Test-taking is a skill which can be learned.  Knowing this fact should help to ease your stress.  With time and patience, you can learn to take tests as a pro.  Recognize, however, that at times you might not be able to perform as you would wish.  While you might encounter setbacks along the way, you have to realize that it takes dedication to reach your ultimate goal.   With a good preparation plan in place, you can master the art of taking tests—and your anxiety should slowly disappear.  

When Stress Becomes Unbearable

          A soldier, just back from the war in Iraq, is haunted by nightmares of bodies on the battlefield.  A woman keeps replaying in her mind the day that she was brutally raped.  A man has flashbacks of the time that he was beaten by his step-father.  These incidents are the result of stress—a special kind of stress.  It is a stress so overpowering, so overwhelming that it is known as post-traumatic stress disorder. 

          The important thing to remember about post-traumatic stress disorder is that it is far more common than one might think.  First brought to the public’s attention following the Vietnam War, post-traumatic stress disorder afflicts everyone from earthquake victims to survivors of kidnapping.  Often, PTSD, as it is known, occurs when an individual’s life has been threatened, or the life of someone close to him or her has been jeopardized.   More than five million people are believed to be affected by the disorder. 

            There are a number of tell-tale signs of post-traumatic stress disorder.  For instance, an individual might experience continual flashbacks or nightmares.  He or she may experience feelings of irritability or frustration.  He or she might have an exaggerated startle response, such as jumping when hearing a noise in an otherwise quiet room.  He or she may lose interest in work, relationships, or other things that used to be enjoyed.  The symptoms may become especially pronounced when the anniversary of the traumatic event rolls around. 

         Although stories of soldiers with PTSD are well-known, women are actually more susceptible to the disorder.  Also, there is evidence that there may be a genetic predisposition for PTSD.  PTSD can lead to major depression, alcoholism, or drug abuse.  If a specific person was responsible for the trauma—say a husband, boyfriend, or neighbor—the after-effects may be particularly bad.

           It is interesting to note that a specific sound or smell can trigger a flashback for an individual suffering from PTSD.  This is part of the reason that the disorder is so troubling.  In essence, the individual has difficulty escaping the memory of what happened to him or her.  The recurring nightmares and flashbacks are signs that the individual has not been able to process the memory appropriately.

         An individual afflicted with PTSD may feel a sense of hopelessness.  Since his or her ordeal seems to be repeating itself, he or she may find it difficult to come to terms with the event.  This is why PTSD is such a debilitating condition.  However, it is important to recognize the fact that there is hope for those struggling with this disorder.  Through talk therapy and medication, an individual can learn how to properly process the traumatic memory.  The nightmares and flashbacks eventually disappear, as the individual receives a new leash on life.  

        It should be pointed out that there is no instant fix or cure for PTSD.  It can haunt people for months, if not years.  It is a mental condition that is still shrouded in a great deal of secrecy.  There are also many misunderstandings about the disorder.  It may cause someone to miss work, or to lose his or her job entirely.  It can wreck marriages and other close relationships.   A great deal of additional research needs to be done in order to adequately address the problem of PTSD.

         In the meantime, there are specific steps you can take to lessen the likelihood that you will suffer from the disorder.  If you have become the victim of a traumatic event, seek help immediately.  Discuss the incident with your family doctor and ask him or her for a referral to a therapist and psychiatrist.  Don’t wait until your symptoms are out of control before you seek help.   While this type of stress is not curable, it is entirely treatable.  The important thing for you to remember is that you are not alone, that there are a number of mental health experts who stand ready to help you.  Also, try to think of yourself as a survivor rather than as a victim.  You may find you are better able to cope with the stress that way.  Also, recognize the fact that the incident, though traumatic, has passed.  Once you realize that you are unlikely again to go through such a horror, you may be able to put the incident into the proper perspective.

When Marital Breakup Happens

       You had high hopes for your marriage.  Your first meeting was ideal—at a local church picnic.  Your courtship was a dream—many moonlight walks along the riverfront.  Your wedding day brought tears of joy to your eyes.  But then tensions began to arise and the marriage fell apart.  As a result, you are now heading to divorce court.

       Getting a divorce is more than just a traumatic event—it is one of the most stressful things that can happen in your life.  You have come to rely on your husband or wife as your partner, as your soul mate, as your rock.  Now, you must learn to do without, and the pain can seem intolerable.  The stress can make you feel as if you don’t want to eat and you no longer want to take part in the activities you once enjoyed—especially those activities you did as a couple.  You might wonder if you will ever feel whole and relaxed again.

        The sad fact is that families are broken by divorce each day.  In fact, it has become an all-too-common occurrence in our modern world.  Yet, there are proven strategies you can engage in in order to reduce the amount of stress you incur as a result of your divorce.  While your divorce may still be painful, you’ll be able to weather it better if you follow a few simple recommendations.

         One of the most stressful aspects of a divorce is the acrimony between the two parties.  In order to make the process as smooth as possible, choose a lawyer you can trust.  You might go to your family member, a friend, or even your doctor for a recommendation.  You’ll want a lawyer who specializes in family law to ensure that your case is handled well.  Try to select a lawyer who is a good negotiator rather than one who tries to make his or her mark in the courtroom.  That way, if difficulties arise, you’ll have someone in your corner who is determined to try to reach a peaceful settlement rather than attempt to battle things out in the courtroom.

         Another stressful part of any divorce proceeding is child custody issues.  If at all possible, try to work out custody before you ever go to court.  A custody battle can be a long, intense process and it should be avoided if at all possible.  If you can simply not agree on custody issues, you’ll have to prepare yourself for battle.  The more prepared you are, the better able you will be to handle the stress of the custody dispute.  Make a list of all the reasons your children should stay with you.  Realistically assess both your faults and those of the other parent.  In this way, you’ll have a good understanding of the issues that are likely to come up in your custody case.

       Yet another element to divorce is the financial aspect.  A divorce can literally wreck your finances, so you will have to have a strategy in place to deal with the fall-out.  Make a realistic budget and stick with it.  Make sure you have an accounting of your personal assets and those you held with your spouse.  Determine whether there is any joint property worth fighting for.  Also, keep tabs on your credit report.  Your spouse’s reluctance to pay bills could show up as negative information on your own report.

        As you go through the divorce process, consider joining a support group.  This can lessen your stress considerably.  Knowing that there are other people who are going through the same situation you are can be a tremendous aid in helping you to combat stress.  You’ll have someone—or even a group of people—to turn to when things get rough.

        There is no escaping the stress associated with divorce.  However, the actions you take can enable you to significantly reduce your stress level.  Also, it is important for you to keep in mind that a divorce is a transitory event.  While some divorce cases last for years, there will eventually be an end to your divorce.  The critical thing is for you to take each day as it comes and not to put yourself under more stress than you can handle.

Turning a Spotlight on Anxiety Disorders

      You may be restless at night, tossing and turning in your bed because of excessive worry.  You may find yourself cracking under pressure, whether when preparing for a test or when you get ready to report to the boss.  But does your uneasiness qualify as actual anxiety?
       We seem to be an angst-ridden society.  Television news programs offer us a long list of worries:  from what’s in your toddler’s milk to whether your high schooler will graduate with a 4.0 average.  It seems at times as if we are a nation of worry warts.  We obsess about crime, the stock market, civil rights, hunger, AIDs, the SATs, and global warming.  You might even nickname your local newspaper “The Worry Pages.”
         In order to effectively deal with anxiety, we must first be able to define it.  There are certain recognizable symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder which you should pay attention to.  For instance, anxiety can be characterized by restlessness, an inability to relax, shakiness, and tics.  You may feel your heart racing or feel light-headed.  Your stomach might seem queasy and you may experience shortness of breath.
          You might seem overwhelmed by a feeling of fear.  You might dread tomorrow because you wonder what disasters will befall your family.  You may experience insomnia, irritability, impatience, and an inability to concentrate.  You may also feel impatient or on edge.
           If any of these symptoms persist for more than a month, you have probably succumbed to generalized anxiety disorder.   Your anxiety might be so severe that you also experience a phobia.  This is an irrational worry about a situation—a worry so debilitating that you go out of your way to avoid a certain object or situation.  While you yourself may sense that something is wrong, you may feel as if you lack the power to do anything about it.  If the fear is severe, it is considered a full-fledged disorder.  While phobias may not always plague those with anxiety disorders, they may accompany anxiety.  
        You should know that there are three major types of phobias.  Agoraphobia is a fear of a public place such as a shopping mall or town square.  You may have a fear that you will not be able to escape the area if you need to.  Meanwhile, a social phobia is a fear of talking with or otherwise interacting with people.  You may fear that you will embarrass yourself in front of a person or group.    A simple phobia is a fear of a particular object or activity such as dogs, flying, or germs.    
        Anxiety can also lead to a panic disorder.  A panic attack generally involves racing heart beat, chest pain, dizziness, perspiration, or a fear of dying.   It can be highly debilitating, preventing an individual from being able to perform work or another important function.  It can seriously curtail one’s social life, causing an individual to become isolated.

          There are numerous causes of anxiety.  These include stress, nutritional problems, and chemical imbalances.   Treatment most often comes in the form of prescription drugs such as Clonidine or Clonazepam.  You should be careful, however, to review the side-effects of such drugs.  In some cases, patients might find themselves to be dependent on the medication.
            You might also find that it helps to become part of a support group.  There is a special bond which grows between individuals who are forced to combat the same demons.  You may discover that you can draw strength from talking with other people who share the same struggles you do.  With such support, you won’t feel so alone.  It’s comforting to know that there is someone you can turn to in the midst of your pain.
           Anxiety can be a painful and debilitating condition, harming one’s self-image, one’s relationship with family members, and one’s ability to perform one’s job.  It can also lead to panic attacks, which lead to another set of serious problems.  Fortunately, there has been a great deal of research in recent years regarding anxiety disorders.  With appropriate treatment, people who suffer from anxiety disorders can learn to function effectively.  However, treatment often involves a great deal of work and determination.  In time, you should be able to ascertain the most effective methods of treating your condition.   

The Stress of Pregnancy

       It may be the most important moment of your life—the moment that you learn that you’re pregnant, or you find out that your wife is pregnant.  It is a moment of infinite possibilities.  You wonder whether your child will grow up to be the next Mozart or the next Marie Curie.  You go through baby name books endlessly, wondering what to call your bundle of joy.  You go to the paint store, hoping to pick out just the right shade for your child’s nursery.  You register at a baby merchandise store, hoping to get just what you need for your baby shower.  

       However, while it can be a time of unbridled joy, pregnancy may also be a period of intense stress.  You may be worried about the weight gain associated with pregnancy.  Or you may be wondering whether your baby will be healthy.  You may be anxious about your finances, especially if they weren’t good before the news of your baby’s arrival.  You may also be wondering how your relationship with your spouse will change as a result of the pregnancy.  You may even be wondering how your relationship with your parents will be altered as a result of your new baby.  You may also be worried about the experience of childbirth and the amount of pain involved.

        Most importantly, you might be stressed out about the responsibilities of parenthood.  You may be wondering how good a mother or a father you’ll make.  You may be wondering whether you’ll be a good provider, a good comforter, a good disciplinarian.  You might be wondering about feeding schedules and middle-of-the-night diaper changes. 

        All of these worries are natural.  However, it is important that your worries do not cause you intolerable anxiety.  There are specific steps you can take to lessen the stress of pregnancy.  If you hope to make the transition to parenthood as smooth as possible, it’s critical that you follow these simple relaxation techniques.

        To begin with, it can be helpful to take a childbirth class.  Even if you aren’t contemplating natural childbirth, such classes provide a wealth of information—information that can help put your mind at ease.  You’ll receive information about how to have a healthy pregnancy, about proper diet for the prospective mother, about the process of childbirth, and about the care and feeding of your baby. 

         In addition, childbirth classes often provide you with information about relaxation techniques.  These include not only breathing exercises, but imagery exercises that can help soothe your nerves.  The good thing is that you’ll be going through the relaxation exercises with your partner, so you can both receive the benefit of them.  Many childbirth educators encourage practicing these relaxation exercises right before you go to bed at night, so you can learn how to relax your muscles right before you try to go to sleep.

         It may also be a good idea to attend La Leche League meetings during your pregnancy if you intend to breast-feed.  Breast-feeding can be a daunting experience for a new mother, so you’ll want to get all the information you can about the process.  The La Leche League meetings also put you in touch with experienced breast-feeding mothers who can help to coach you through the rough times.  Some groups also provide a phone list that you can consult whenever you need advice—anytime of the day or night.

        If you’re experiencing a great deal of pregnancy-related stress, it is also important that you discuss it with your obstetrician.  He or she might have additional recommendations for you, as far as coping techniques are concerned.  He or she can also let you know whether your stress is affecting your baby, which can be critically important in putting your mind at ease.

        Pregnancy can and should be a joyous time.  However, there is little doubt that there is a great deal of stress involved in the process.  The more informed you are about pregnancy and childbirth, the better able you will be to cope.  Seeking out other mothers and fathers during this critical time can also be important for your emotional well-being.  By relying on other people for support, you can reduce your stress level significantly and truly enjoy the latter stages of your pregnancy.    
    
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The Stress of Paying With Plastic

       You might have gotten your first credit card offer when you were still in college.  It was exciting—the idea that you could be entrusted with a credit card account.  You could suddenly buy things you never dreamed possible.  Your standard of living seemed to grow considerably.  This was especially important during your college years, when money was so tight.

       You may have run up your credit card balances when you had your first child.  You had to buy so many things—a bassinet, crib, stroller—and a credit card seemed a good way to pay for it.  You might have realized that it was wrong to overcharge, but you felt as if you had no other option.  Suddenly, you found yourself facing a mountain of credit card debt.

       Millions of us use credit cards each day to pay for both major ticket items and minor goods.  Credit cards are a multi-billion dollar industry, and the industry seems to be growing all the time.  Yet, there can be a tremendous amount of stress associated with paying with plastic.  This stress can also be difficult to alleviate, since credit card use can be so addictive.

       There can be the stress involved in paying off your monthly balances.  The balances might grow so great, in fact, that you may have trouble paying them off entirely.  There can be the stress involved in trying to manage multiple credit cards.  Also, you might find yourself stressed out by even minimum monthly payments.  If you have to balance other major bills, such as a mortgage and car payments, the financial stress can seem overwhelming.

      How do you deal with such stress?  There are a number of strategies you can use.  To begin with, you can try cutting up your credit cards.  This will eliminate the temptation to overspend altogether.  When your balances are no longer rising, you might find it easier to deal with credit card debt. 

      However, you may view credit cards as a natural part of life.  Therefore, you might not want to eliminate them from your wallet.  In such a case, you must learn to somehow deal with credit card debt.  There are a couple of different ways to do this.  For instance, you might call the credit card company and try to re-negotiate your interest rate.  This may require you to talk with a supervisor, but it can be well worth the effort.  Cutting your interest rate can significantly lower your payments.

      Another technique you can use is to put yourself on a credit card budget.  Figure out, realistically, how much credit card debt you can handle each month.  Once you figure out your limit, do not go over it under any circumstances.  Otherwise, you could find yourself paying significant monthly payments.

      Also, try, if at all possible, to pay your credit card bills on time.  This means eliminating late fees, which can prove to be a significant expense.  By paying your bills on time, you will improve your credit rating and you’ll find yourself dealing with less stress.

     In some cases, the best way to deal with credit card stress is to discuss your problems with a credit counselor.  He or she may be able to work out a more manageable payment plan for you.  With the counselor’s help, you should also learn techniques for better managing your money.  Best of all, such counseling is free, so it will not cause you additional financial stress.  You may find yourself to be tremendously relieved after talking with a credit counselor about your problems. 

      You should not be embarrassed by the fact that you are undergoing major credit card stress.  It can literally happen to anyone, particularly since credit cards are so widely available.  The important thing to remember is that credit card stress, while difficult, is completely manageable.  By invoking proven money management strategies, you can learn to deal effectively with your stress.  You may even find that using credit cards becomes an enjoyable experience, since you are doing it so rarely.   Also, be sure to talk with members of your family about the stress you are undergoing.  They may be able to help ease your stress level—and they may curb their own spending habits as a result.      

The Stress of Mental Illness

       It might have started with a panic attack during your algebra exam in high school.  It then might have progressed into depression in college, and post-partum depression after the birth of your first child.  At times, you might have even felt so desperate that you wanted to commit suicide.

      Or perhaps you have a brother who seems in the grips of full-blown paranoia.  No matter how much you try, you just cannot reach him.  He’s convinced that the FBI is watching his every move, and no one can convince him otherwise.  You want him to seek professional help, but he is reluctant to do so.

       Mental illness can create tremendous stress for a family.  Because the illness is so misunderstood, there is the problem of the stigma attached to it.  You might be ashamed or embarrassed, either by your own mental illness or that of a close family member or friend.  You may feel as if you are all alone, that no one else could possibly understand what you are going through.

       Mental illness routinely creates financial stress for families.  Sometimes, overspending is a sign of manic-depressive disorder.  A depressed person might invest too much of the family income on a collection of guns or hunting knives.  Disputes over finances can create great tensions for families, making it difficult for them to cope.

       In addition, mental illness creates tensions within interpersonal relationships.  You might be angry with a partner’s mood swings—not understanding that it is a situation beyond his or her control.  You may be frustrated with a brother who doesn’t seem able to hold down a job.  You may simply not understand a sister whose promiscuous lifestyle you consider to be dangerous.

        The important thing to realize is that, while the stress of mental illness can seem unbearable at times, it is entirely manageable.  If you are the individual suffering from mental illness, make an appointment to see a reputable therapist.  He or she can help you sort out your problems and can recommend a psychiatrist who can find the medication that is right for you.

       Part of the stress of mental illness can be the difficulty involved in finding a medication that works.  You may find the side-effects of a particular drug difficult to deal with at first.  Psychiatrists say it is best if you follow the doctor’s recommendation and try to manage the side-effects as best you can.  Going off your medication can have disastrous consequences—and can lead to a great deal more stress.

       At times, you might find that your mental illness requires you to go into the hospital for a time.  Such hospitalizations can increase your stress level.  However, if you think of the hospital stays as just steps on the road to recovery, you will be able to handle the stress much more effectively.

      Coping with another’s mental illness can be even more stressful.  Mental illness can be quite unpredictable, so it can drain your emotional reserves.  It can be highly difficult dealing with a situation that changes so abruptly from one minute to the next.  One of the best things you can do for yourself is to join a support group for family members of the mentally ill.  This can be tremendously cathartic.  You will be able to talk to other people who are going through the same things that you are going through.  You can draw comfort and strength from this network of individuals.   Some members of your support group may even allow you to call them at home to discuss your problems further.  There is no substitute for a listening ear, especially in the rough times.

         You may also want to consider family counseling.  In this way, the entire family can be involved in a loved one’s recovery from mental illness.  You’ll be able to learn healthy coping strategies for dealing with another’s illness, and you will be able to communicate in an open, supportive atmosphere.

        There is little doubt that mental illness can lead to life-long stress.  However, with a little bit of effort, you can learn to manage this stress effectively.  And you will find that you and your family are better off as a result.     

The Stress of Death

       You can recall clearly the day your father took you for your first bicycle ride.  It was a crisp autumn day and the sun was shining on your brand new Huffy.  You remember his hand gently guiding your bike along the road that ran by your apartment building.  You even recall his smile as you began steering your bike on your own.

        The memory lingers with you as you begin to make preparations for your father’s burial.  He had had a long illness—cancer—and you knew that the end would be coming soon.  Yet, you now think that nothing could have prepared you for the day when he actually died.  While you anticipated a period of mourning, you failed to realize that you would encounter a great deal of stress as a result of his death.  You may be surprised—even shocked—by the amount of stress you feel.

        We seldom associate death with stress, yet the death of a loved one is one of the most stressful events that can happen in our lives.  Whether it is the death of a parent, a spouse, a child, a sibling, or a beloved friend, death makes us anxious—not only about our loss, but about our own mortality.  The most stressful aspect of death may be the fear of the unknown—you may not know what to expect next, and you may wonder how you will handle the next obstacle that comes your way.

         The most important thing you can do to deal with death-related stress is to recognize it for what it is.  Realize that it is perfectly natural for you to feel worried and anxious during this difficult time.  Try to give yourself some time to pause and reflect.  Don’t feel as if you have to “hurry up and get over” the death.  Allowing yourself an opportunity to grieve should help to reduce your stress level—and make you a healthier person, emotionally speaking. 

         One thing you can do to help you deal with the stress is to do something positive to remember your loved one by.  In other words, consider planting a tree, making a contribution to your loved one’s favorite charity, or volunteering your time at the nursing home that cared for your loved one in his or her final days.  Discovering that life still offers pleasant possibilities gives you hope—and can help you to deal with your stress more effectively.

            Give considerable thought to how your loved one would want you to carry on after his or her death.  Chances are great your father, mother, husband, or brother would not want you sulking in the corner for the rest of your life.  Give yourself permission to go on with life.  As a result, you should feel less stress—and you should enjoy life more.

            Another effective stress-reducing technique is to commit your thoughts to paper.  Writing can be quite therapeutic and can help you gain perspective on your situation.  The process of writing can improve your problem-solving skills, making you better able to cope with your situation.  Also, give yourself time to re-read your journal entries.  You might be amazed at how much you’ve grown, emotionally-speaking, over a short period of time.

         If the stress of death becomes overwhelming, by all means seek the help of a professional.  A counselor can help you to sort out your feelings and recommend coping techniques.  You might find it quite liberating to talk to another individual about everything you’re feeling inside.   In some cases, you might also want to consult with a psychiatrist to see if there is some medication you can take that will help you deal with death-related anxiety.

          All of us will experience the death of someone close to us at some time in our lives.  Therefore, we can expect to deal with the stress of losing someone we love.  However, it’s good to know that there are positive things we can do to help us deal more effectively with the stress related to death.  While, in a certain sense, we may never get over a loved one’s death, we can learn to cope with the loss.  We may even learn to smile again.

  

The Right Reaction for Stress

          It might happen each time you go in for a routine medical visit.  Your anxiety begins during the drive over to the doctor’s office.  It intensifies as you sit in the waiting room.  You find you can concentrate on neither the television nor the magazine in front of you.  When you’re ushered into an examination room, you’ve just about reached the panic stage.  And you haven’t even seen the doctor yet.

          Or your anxiety could be based on legitimate fears.  For instance, if you’ve been diagnosed with cancer or a heart condition, each medical visit carries a great deal of uncertainty.  Your doctor could, in fact, deliver the tragic news that your condition is inoperable.  It is no wonder that you find your heart racing when you step into the doctor’s office.

          Perhaps you have a fear of the dentist’s chair.  It first hit you when you were a child and had to have your first filling.  The fears have only intensified since.  Now, even a routine cleaning is an occasion for a great deal of stress.  You even feel as if you’re under heavy stress when you dial the phone to make your appointment.

          Dealing with doctors and dentists can be stressful for any one of us.  A lot of us fear what we don’t understand, and much of medical language can sound like gibberish.  The equipment itself can be frightening if we’re not accustomed to it.  And there’s always a fear that a treatment will seem worse than the disease.

          There are a number of techniques that you can use to deal with the stress associated with medical care.  To begin with, your best defense is a good offense.  Ask as many questions as you need to of your doctor or dentist.  Will the procedure be painful?  How long will it last?  Will the procedure have side-effects?  Will your insurance cover the cost?  The more informed you are, the better able you will be to handle the stress.  

            Another thing you might consider is doing your own research, trying to sort out some information for yourself.  Don’t think that you have to pore over medical books.  Reading health-related articles in magazines can help improve your knowledge and understanding, making you a better-informed patient.  You might also search out health-related websites so that you can bone up on a particular area of medical practice.      

           Also, while you’re waiting for your physician or dentist, consider engaging in some relaxation exercises.  Imagine yourself running through a field of flowers with a toddler, or skating expertly at the rink at Rockefeller Center.  Picture yourself in a low-stress situation, in a location you love.  Through this technique, you’ll calm down your mind and your body so that you can deal effectively with the stress that comes your way.

           If you have friends who work in the health care industry, you might discuss your fears with them.  They can be an important source of information, giving you insights into the medical profession that you might not otherwise have.  Draw upon their experience in order to soothe your fears.  You might be surprised at how much you can learn simply through casual conversations.  Most health care workers will be more than willing to share their experiences with you.

           If your fear of the dentist or doctor has turned into a full-fledged phobia, you’ll want to consult a professional therapist.  He or she can delve into the root causes of your fears and can help you to develop effective coping strategies.  In some cases, the psychologist might recommend that you see a psychiatrist so that you can obtain the medication you need to calm your nerves.  Millions of people have been helped through such medication.  While such medication can result in weight gain or drowsiness, its overall effect can be quite positive.

           It is entirely possible to visit a doctor or dentist without becoming overly stressed.  The key is to be prepared.  Be prepared to ask questions of your health care professional.  Be prepared to encounter equipment or techniques that might make you feel uncomfortable.  Be prepared for medication that might have unpleasant side-effects.  The more prepared you are, the better you’ll feel, and the better equipped you’ll be to handle stress during your examination.  

               

The Dollars and Cents of Financial Stress

       You’ve checked your bank account and found you have only $42 left in your savings account.  You’ve received at least three phone calls this morning from creditors who are wondering why your payments are late.  Your car payment is due in three days and you’re not sure how you’ll pay the bill.  Last month, your landlord threatened to evict you when your rent check did not arrive on the first of the month.

       If this scenario sounds familiar, you may be experiencing finance-induced stress.  From time to time, all of us suffer from it, to one degree or another.  Financial stress is simply a fact of modern life.  No matter how hard we work, no matter how diligent we are at trying to save our money, we may find that we have great difficulty paying all of our bills.  This can be particularly true if we’ve been hit with a major traumatic event, such as the death of a spouse, a divorce, or a serious illness.

        Financial stress can be felt in a number of ways.  For example, you might have difficulty sleeping at night because you are worrying about your finances.  You might find yourself short-tempered and, as a result, you might be experiencing conflict with your spouse.   You may find yourself yelling at your children for minor infractions, or you may even be hit with panic attacks at work. 

        The fact is, financial stress can cause you tremendous physical and psychological discomfort.  It can lead to anxiety, depression, high blood pressure—even stroke.  As a result, financial stress is actually a serious, though often unrecognized, health concern.  In essence, your financial problems may be making you sick.

         But how do you address what can seem to be an insurmountable problem?  To begin with, it is important that you go to your doctor and have a complete physical.  State your symptoms, and note that you believe that financial stress may be the cause.  Your doctor might then refer you to a psychiatrist for anti-anxiety medication, or to a therapist who can help you work through your problems.

         Next, consider consulting a certified financial planner.  He or she can help you to realize your short-term and long-term financial goals.  Don’t be embarrassed to let the planner know the extent of your financial problems.  Remember that the only way to really attack finance-induced stress is to meet the difficulty head-on.  Trying to dodge the problem…pretending that things are not as bad as they are…will only exacerbate your troubles in the end. 

          Your financial planner will probably want you to come up with a workable budget.  It is important to be realistic when crunching numbers.  It does little good for you to come up with a budget that looks fine on paper, but that doesn’t work in the real world.  Make sure that you budget for all the essentials—food, shelter, clothing, medical care.  And also try to budget for long-term priorities, such as college savings or retirement.  Also, don’t forget to allot at least a small portion of your budget to recreation and entertainment.  You’ll need a few diversions in order to be a less stressed individual.

          In the beginning, you might want to track every single expenditure that you make.  This can be difficult, especially if you’re not used to that kind of record-keeping.  But it can be quite instructive.  You might not realize, for instance, just how much money you’re spending each month on lattes, or how much you’re devoting to the daily lottery drawing.  By doing the record-keeping, you might discover ways that you can trim your budget without really feeling the pinch. 

          It is also highly important that you save a portion of your money in order to pay for the unexpected.  From time to time, all of us are hit with bills that seem to come out of the blue.  Your savings will act as a kind of insurance policy against disaster.  With some money in the bank—even if it is a small amount in the beginning—you’ll be better able to weather the financial storms that come your way.  And you might find those middle-of-the-night worries disappearing, knowing that you are doing all you can to get your finances under control.

Taking the Stress Out of Back-to-School

     The back-to-school blues can affect everyone from kindergarteners to college students.  Perhaps your kindergartener is worried about making friends, or your college student is anxious about making the grade.  Back-to-school worries can affect both straight A students and those who are barely making it through. 

      First of all, it is important to determine whether your child is suffering from school-related stress.  Is he or she complaining of stomach aches or headaches? Does he or she have a negative outlook about the start of school?  Is he or she grumbling about heading back to class?  Is your child a loner?  Is he or she reluctant to purchase school supplies?  If you answered “yes” to any of the preceding questions, your child could be exhibiting signs of stress related to returning to school.

       However, it is entirely possible that these signs are symptoms of something else.  That’s why it is so important for your son or daughter to have a check-up with a pediatrician before heading back to school.  The physical examination could reveal information about your child’s health that is critical for his or her overall well-being. 

       If, however, the check-up indicates that your child may be reacting to stress, you’ll need to engage in some stress management techniques.  The most important of these is to have a heart-to-heart talk with your child.  See if your child can articulate his or her fears.  If communication is a problem, you might consider having your child draw a picture of his or her school.  Sometimes, you can tell a great deal from a child’s drawing.  In your discussions, try to answer your child’s concerns as openly and honestly as you can.  For instance, if your child has worries about a particular teacher, consider making an appointment with the teacher so that you can hash out concerns.  If your child is entering school for the first time, make sure that he or she receives a tour of the school.  A little bit of information can go a long way in addressing your child’s concerns.

         Reassure your child that you will love him or her no matter what his or her grades are, but also apprise your child of your expectations.  Make sure that you let your child know that you expect him or her to perform his or her personal best each day.  This can help prime your child for success, while letting him or her know that you will always provide support. 

          Another helpful strategy is to take your child on a back-to-school shopping spree.  Make sure that he or she is intimately involved in picking out folders and pencil cases.  Such a shopping spree can help to equate school with fun.  You might also consider taking your child on a trip to find a new wardrobe.  Dressed for success, your child may be better able to cope with the demands of school.

           If your child’s stress level is severe, you might consider taking him or her to a child psychologist.  This is an individual who is trained to listen to a child and to counsel him or her.  Going for counseling isn’t a sign of weakness—it is a sign of strength.  You may find that your child is happier in the long run after going for some counseling sessions.  You might also consider family counseling if it seems as if your entire clan is under stress.    For referrals for a counselor, you might want to consult with your family physician or local mental health agency.

           We sometimes fail to realize how stressful school can be to a child.  There’s the issue of social relationships, scholastic performance, and extra-curricular activities.  A child must please the teacher, the principal, the parent, and friends.  It can be a great deal to handle, especially if the child is quite young.  By setting realistic expectations, offering a shoulder to cry on, and a willingness to offer some problem-solving techniques, you can help to guarantee your child’s success in school—and eliminate some of the stress that he or she will experience.  If the child is starting a new school, you may have to go the extra mile in convincing him or her that you will provide unconditional love.  As long as you keep the door to communication open, you and your child should have a healthy and productive school year.

Surprised by Stress

       Sometimes it seems as if life is a series of losses—the loss of a spouse, the loss of a job, the loss of a brother.  You may realize that you need to take time to grieve all of these losses.  But what you may not realize is that such losses can also lead to stress—a great deal of it.  In order to remain emotionally healthy, you must learn to deal effectively with stress induced by traumatic life events.

        Interestingly enough, stress can actually be quantified.    The Holmes-Rahe Social Readjustment Scale assigns point values to the various stressors we can experience in life.  For example, the most stressful event we can encounter is the death of a spouse, which ranks a 100 on the scale.  That’s followed by divorce (73), marital separation (65), jail term  (63), death of a close family member (63), and personal injury or illness (53).  Even happy events, such as marriage, can rank high on the stress scale.

       Most of us do not go through life measuring our stress level.  However, referring to the scale can be quite instructive.  For instance, after consulting the scale, you might decide to delay a major decision such as the purchase of a new home until you’ve successfully battled the stress from your divorce.  Or you may decide to wait before taking a new job until you’ve dealt with the stress from your wedding.  This self-awareness can enable you to reduce your stress level and to maintain your equilibrium amidst great life struggles.

        Therefore, one of the healthiest things you can do is to draw up a list of stress-causing life events and post it in a place where your entire family can see it.  That way, you’ll have a constant reminder of just what you’re up against.  This can also serve to encourage your family at a time of great heartache.  Family members will be able to see that the event is a normal part of life—one that many other families face.  As a result, they’ll be able to put the event in perspective.

         Another important thing to do is to verbalize your feelings about a stressful event.  Talk to your mate, your parents, a friend, or your pastor.  If you feel as if there’s simply no one to confide in, ask your family physician for a referral for a good therapist.  Talking about your feelings is an important part of the healing process, and will enable you to deal with the stress much more efficiently.  Another good option is to commit your feelings to writing.  Keep a journal and use it to express your innermost thoughts.  You might be surprised by how therapeutic this can be.   Use the journal for some problem-solving.  Think of ways that you can effectively deal with the stressor in your life.  It may be as simple as taking a hot bath to calm your nerves, or as challenging as reorganizing your personal files.  Such problem-solving techniques can help you to realize that you can overcome the challenge in your life—that your life will not end, just because you’ve encountered a major setback.

           Now that you’re aware of the stress scale, you might also consider taking a pro-active approach.  For instance, if your marriage counseling doesn’t seem to be working, try to prepare yourself mentally for the day your marriage will end.  Also, if your mother is in ill health, think of what you want to do for her before she passes from this life.  In essence, what you are doing is engaging in disaster preparedness.  While it can be troubling to think of such tragedies, it can also help you to better cope with the curve balls that life sends your way.

         Another important strategy is to simply “take it slow.”  Don’t hurry when making major life decisions, particularly when you are faced with a crisis.  Recognize that most things in life do not require instantaneous decisions.  You have the luxury of time, so use it to your full advantage.  In the end, you’ll be happy that you’ve taken the time to think things through, rather than making rash decisions.  If you’re in a “calm mode,” you’ll also be better able to handle the stress of difficult situations.       

Supermarket Stress

        If you dread going to the supermarket, you’re not alone.  A number of people consider grocery shopping to be a tremendously stressful experience.  It can tax your mind, drain your resources, and cause your blood pressure to rise.  It is certainly not surprising, when you consider all of the elements that are involved in a trip to the local supermarket.

        To begin with, negotiating the parking lot can be quite stressful.  You have to deal with a parade of cars going in all directions.  You have to steer clear of shopping carts and strollers.  Pedestrians might jump out in front of your car when you least expect it.  The hazards increase if it is snowing or drizzling outside.

         Once you arrive at the supermarket, you might have difficulty finding a cart—which can get your shopping trip off to a rough start.  You might be shocked at the prices that you find plastered on the products that you need.  You might also find that the daily special has run out…there is no one manning the meat counter…the line for the deli wraps around most of the store…the store manager is on edge…and the machines at the self-checkout are broken.  All of these incidents can lead to further stress.

          How can you reduce your stress level at the supermarket?  For one thing, you can make it a point to shop at off times.  Shopping early in the morning or late in the evening can help you to avoid the crowds.  You’re likely to find the store to be quite peaceful at that time of day and your shopping experience should be more pleasant as a result.

          As an alternative, you might consider setting aside a block of time when you can shop leisurely.  This might enable you to test samples, to sip a cappuccino as you make your rounds through the aisle, and to browse shelves you might have overlooked in the past.   If you put some work into making supermarket shopping a fun time, you might be surprised at the result.

          Another way that you can better manage your time at the supermarket is by clipping coupons.  This will mean that you will no longer have to spend time circling the supermarket searching for specials.  Also, clipping coupons gives you a sense of control about your spending.  This can make the entire shopping experience more enjoyable.  In addition, you might be pleasantly surprised at the amount of money you save by using coupons. 

          While you cannot entirely control what happens to you at the supermarket, you can control your reactions to various events.   For instance, if you run into a clerk or a cashier that is being unhelpful, resist the urge to lose your cool.  Instead, deal with the disgruntled employee in a calm, rational manner.  You should notice that your stress level decreases a great deal, once you have control of your emotions.

         If the situation with a supermarket employee becomes intolerable, be sure to consult the store’s manager.  He or she is paid to listen to your concerns and to try to make the peace.  If you don’t get satisfaction after talking with the manager, consider contacting the company’s corporate headquarters.  While taking such a step might seem stressful, it will actually reduce your stress over the long run.  If you register a complaint, the store might actually change its procedures, and you could find your future shopping trips to be less stressful as a result.

         You’ll need to also keep calm when dealing with other customers.  People in grocery stores are often in a hurry, and so they may appear to be rude.  A forgiving attitude can help you to keep your stress level under control even in the most trying circumstances.  Try not to take slights personally.  Recognize that shoppers are human and they may act badly from time to time.

          You can’t avoid going to the supermarket, even if it is a stressful experience.  Therefore, you must learn to deal with the stress as best you can.  Visiting the supermarket during off-peak times, trying to save money as much as possible, and keeping your temper under control can go a long way to cutting your stress.        

Stressed Out? A Good Night’s Sleep Can Cure What Ails You

         Your child brings home a report card filled with low marks.  Your dog just bit your neighbor, and the sink in the kitchen no longer works.  You feel you’re under major stress.  As a result, you find yourself tossing and turning at night, unable to get a good night’s sleep.  This is truly unfortunate, because sleep can re-charge a person’s batteries, enabling him or her to better tackle the stressors that come along the road.

           Stress-induced insomnia can take a variety of forms.  For instance, you may have difficulty falling asleep in the first place.  Or you may wake up hours earlier than you should.  You may find yourself waking up several times during the middle of the night.  Or you may even find that you feel tired when you wake up in the morning because you didn’t get good quality sleep. 

            One important point to remember is that you are not alone.  Just about everyone suffers from lack of sleep at some point in life.  That said, dealing with insomnia can be exhausting.  You might feel run down during the day and have difficulty concentrating.  You may turn to coffee in order to keep awake during the daylight hours, which can lead to a feeling of restlessness.  You may even try taking a nap in the mid-morning or late afternoon, only to find that you have difficulty sleeping again at night. 

           While old age, depression, and substance abuse can all lead to insomnia, it might be said that the number one cause is stress.   If your insomnia persists for a week, you should contact your doctor.  He or she may prescribe medication to enable you to get to sleep more quickly.   But you should be aware that there are other techniques you can use to deal with stress-related insomnia.

         To begin with, try to determine the root cause of your stress.  This might be your job, your home life, or even some of your recreational activities.  Next, determine whether you are overscheduled.  By eliminating some of your commitments, you might be able to seriously reduce your stress level.  Then, do some problem-solving.  How can you make a stressful situation better?  It could involve engaging in positive thinking, changing your attitude about the situation, or coming up with solutions to resolve the situation.

            There are also some concrete steps you can take to improve your sleep.  For instance, make sure that your bedroom is conducive to sleep.  This means finding the most comfortable bedding available, decorating your room with soft, subtle colors, and eliminating clutter or other signs of work in progress.

             In addition,  condition yourself to associate your bed with sleep.  This means resisting the temptation to do work in bed, or study for your classes while lying down.  You should even try to avoid watching TV programs in bed.  The idea here is to eliminate stimulants from your sleeping area which could prevent you from falling asleep.   If you like to read in bed, make sure that you read only fun, pleasurable books, not significant tomes that could keep you up at night.

            One other helpful tip is to set up a regular routine prior to going to bed.  It may involve taking a bath or shower to relax you or drinking some milk right before settling down to sleep.  Also, try to get up at the same time every morning so that you are following an established schedule.  In addition, make sure that you do not engage in drinking beverages with caffeine or alcoholic drinks after dinner.

             Insomnia is one of the most dangerous side-effects of stress.  It can rob you of your energy, strength, and endurance.  It can make the simplest tasks difficult to handle during the course of the day.  And it can even lead to major depression.  If you find yourself having trouble getting to sleep at night, take immediate action.  Don’t wait for your body to feel the stress of night after night of sleeplessness.  The more proactive you are, the greater the likelihood that you’ll be able to combat insomnia, as well as the stress that goes with it.   Refreshed and renewed, you’ll be able to take on the challenges that come your way, once you’ve gotten enough sleep.    

             

Stress on the Job

       Perhaps it’s due to a boss who seems to be making unreasonable demands.  Or it’s the result of a co-worker who seems to routinely pass her work onto you.  Or maybe you’re in a profession where tension is great, such as medicine or law.  While a little bit of stress on the job can be healthy, too much can be a killer—literally.  It’s been shown that there appears to be a direct correlation between stress and heart disease. 

        As a result of this, it is important that you learn to deal effectively with stress on the job.  This can be difficult, because a number of stress-inducing factors may be out of your control.  For instance, you have no say in who your boss is or who your customers are.  You may not be able to determine when you start your day, or how much time you have for lunch.  However, it is important for you to recognize that job stress is a serious health problem.

        The statistics tell the story.  A study conducted in 1999 discovered that we are working longer hours.  In fact, the average number of hours on the job have increased eight percent in just one generation---to 47 hours a week.  One out of five of us works as much as 49 hours a week.  We are a nation of workaholics.  This can cause a great deal of stress, not only on the job, but on the homefront as well.  A number of divorces are attributed each year to the workaholic syndrome.  To put things in perspective, consider this:  the average American works three months more each year than workers in Germany.   The U.S. leads the industrialized world in the number of hours worked.  The workplace has become so competitive in the U.S. that some employees compare it to the reality TV program known as “Survivor.” 

        In order to help reduce your stress on the job, you need to make a realistic assessment of your hours.  Is it possible for you to cut back and still perform your duties?  Are you wasting time on the job that would be better spent at home?  Can you delegate some of your duties to someone else in the office?  If you design a more workable work schedule, you might find your job-related stress decreasing significantly.

        It is entirely possible that you will actually become ill working those extra hours.  Over a four-year period, from 1996 to 2000, the proportion of employees taking sick time due to stress rose by three fold.  Each day, as many as a million American workers have called in sick because they are under too much stress.  This absenteeism is costing American companies money—and making workplaces less productive. 

          Americans are also feeling stressed out because they no longer think they’re jobs are secure.  Over a ten year period, the number of employees who were afraid they would become unemployed doubled.  And a survey conducted in the year 2000 discovered that half of all workers worried that they could lose their jobs.  The dot.com burst, corporate bankruptcies, and massive layoffs have scared the American workforce.  With little job security, workers live in fear of being tossed onto the unemployment line.   A number of people have come to realize that they cannot expect to retire from the company for which they are now working.  Therefore, they may have little allegiance to their companies, resulting in stress for both bosses and employees.

       It would be wonderful if the economy could be changed so that long-term employment at a single company was still possible, but that may be wishful thinking.  As a result, workers need to try to lessen their stress—knowing that they may be in a volatile position.  For many workers, this might mean making sure that they contribute to a 401-K plan so that they have money socked away for retirement.  For others, it might mean starting their own businesses so that they do not have to rely on someone else for their employment.  If you try to be proactive, chances are you will lessen your stress level.  You have to realize that you are ultimately responsible for your own fate.  If you are in the driver’s seat, you will feel a sense of control which could lessen your stress level considerably.

Stress at the Mall

         It’s a malady that tends to strike around holiday time—although it can theoretically happen at any time of the year.  You find yourself in a sea of people making its way through your local shopping mall.  The crush of the crowd makes you feel claustrophobic.  You run from store to store, vying against other shoppers for your turn at the racks.  It seems as if no store has exactly what you’re looking for.

         You hear the strains of carols playing over and over again on store speakers.  The lines at the cash registers appear to stretch for blocks.  When you finally find something to buy, you get behind someone who has to make a complicated exchange.  You wonder if you’ll get home in time to wrap your gift before the office Christmas party. 

         You might not realize it, but even in the best of times, going to the mall can be a stressful experience.  You can feel as if you’re undergoing sensory overload as you take in all the sights and sounds around you.  There are so many racks to explore…so many clothes to sift through.  Because of the variety of stores offered in modern malls, you might wonder where to begin with your shopping.   Should you head to the shoe store first—or to the music store?  Which store is offering the best sales?  It has been said that offering an individual too many choices can be just as—if not more—stressful than only offering a few. 

         Then, there’s the stress inherent in dealing with other people.  You have other customers to contend with—customers who can be rude and irritating.  You might encounter clerks who don’t know their jobs well, or don’t care if their work is done right.  You might even run into managers who seem to care little about the customer’s perspective.

          You can deal with mall-related stress in any number of ways.  To begin with, you can purposely avoid the mall during high-traffic times.  You might even consider steering clear of the mall altogether during holiday time.  Instead, you might consider shopping online, or through catalogues, or by going to specialty shops.   The less you encounter the mall during high-stress times, the more relaxed your holiday shopping is likely to be.

          Another important tactic to consider is to write down exactly what you need at the mall and keep to the list.  In other words, you should resist the urge to impulse buy.  Otherwise, you might find yourself saddled with shopping bags filled with merchandise you don’t need and will never use.  You could also incur a tremendous amount of unnecessary debt through “binge buying.”

          Also consider limiting the number of stores you visit at the mall.  You shouldn’t feel as if you need to visit as many stores as is humanly possible on each trip.  If your shopping is completed after browsing through a single store, simply leave the mall.  Otherwise, it’s likely you’ll be wasting precious time and money.

          Don’t be caught off guard by sales.  Some shoppers seem to believe that, just because there’s a sale going on, they need to buy.  The fact is, there will always be sales.  In order to save money, simply consult your local newspaper in order to scope out the ads of stores having sales in a given week.  That way, you can plan out your shopping adventures ahead of time.  Otherwise, you can find yourself running from sale to sale and store to store and becoming stressed out in the process.

           Going to a mall can be therapeutic.  Store promotions can be fun and can help to take your mind off your problems.  You might enjoy an afternoon makeover or spending a few minutes testing out easy chairs.  And mall shopping can be a necessary part of life.  However, you have to recognize when you’ve hit your limit.  Too much shopping can tax your nerves and can leave you feeling uneasy.  What’s more, you can be left with huge bills at the end of the month because of your shopping indulgences.  As with most things, mall shopping is best done in moderation.   If you shop only when you need to, chances are you will be removing an important stressor from your life.       

Stress and the First Year of Parenthood

        The first year of parenthood is a memorable time.  You’re getting to know your baby and becoming acclimated to your role as a parent.  You learn how to feed your baby, how to clothe him or her, and even how to medicate your baby.  Every few weeks, you check with your pediatrician’s office to chart your baby’s growth.  It is, in fact, an incredible period of growth for both you and your baby.

       However, there is also a great deal of stress associated with new parenthood.  You often have to toss aside your pre-conceived notions as you actually experience motherhood or fatherhood.  You may be stressed out by the endless diapers and mounting piles of laundry…by the constant feedings…and by your newborn’s continual crying.  At times, you may even wonder whether you’re really cut out for parenthood.

       The important thing to remember is that every new parent feels stress.  It is, in fact, part of the job.  And the stress will continue once your child is in school, once your child becomes a teenager, and once your child starts college.  In essence, the moment your baby is born begins a lifetime of stress for you and your mate.

       How can you best combat new baby-stress?  Recognizing the amount of stress you’re under is an important first step.  Many new parents become frustrated and irritable, never realizing that they are simply reacting to stress.  Given the fact that new parents often get little sleep, the stress can be easily compounded.

       Once you recognize your stress, it is important to engage in some stress relief.  For many parents, this will mean calling Grandma and Grandpa to take over during the rough times.  Just a few hours away from your baby can help you to re-charge your batteries, enabling you to improve your coping skills.  It can be particularly helpful if you and your mate arrange a date night while your baby is with the grandparents.  This couple time can be extremely relaxing and beneficial for your relationship.

         A simple technique you can use is to play lullabies—not just for your baby, but for yourself as well.  There is something so soothing about a pleasant lullaby—it can take a great deal of the tension away.  Singing with your baby can also help to cement the bond between you and can help to eliminate stress.   You might even try dancing with your baby—the best dances include both parents!  Taking the time to relax with your baby can help to reduce the tension you feel.

       Books can be another helpful resource.  There are a number of books on the market that tell you what to expect during your baby’s first year.  For instance, many offer doctor’s recommendations on when it is necessary to call the pediatrician, and when a home remedy will work just as well.  Reading such “baby how-to” books can take a great deal of the stress out of first year parenting.

       Arranging play dates for your baby can also be quite therapeutic.  In some cases, you might be able to drop your baby off at a friend’s house while you do your shopping, cleaning, or other chores.  In other cases, arranging a play date offers you the opportunity to get together with other mothers and fathers who share similar stresses.  Just talking with other parents might help to ease your worries tremendously.

       Another tried-and-true formula for dealing with new baby stress is to put the baby in a stroller and start walking.  Just a short walk around the block can help to clear your head, helping you to better deal with the demands of new parenthood.  You might even enlist a friend to walk with you.  Some mothers and fathers even buy special jogging strollers so that they can run while their babies roll along.  Such exercise can be quite relaxing, especially after a hard day around the play pen.

        Your new baby should be the light of your life.  Therefore, you shouldn’t let stress ruin your relationship.  By employing some simple coping strategies, you can learn to love your new life—despite all the stresses involved.  You’ll wake up each day refreshed, and ready to take on the day’s challenges.