You may remember when you saw your future mate for the first time. Or you might remember the moment you realized
that this was the person you were destined to marry. Those memories are special reminders of the
excitement of a new relationship…of the euphoria that comes when you have
fallen in love. They’re moments that
you’d like to cling to for the rest of your life.
Then, reality sets in. Perhaps it
occurred during the first month of your marriage. Or perhaps it happened within a year of your
betrothal. It might not have occurred
until five years down the road. In any
case, you suddenly find yourself under a great deal of stress and you trace the
cause to your spouse. There may be tensions
over finances, tensions over the rearing of children, tensions over where to
live. At times, the friction may seem
frivolous—you might be engaged in a knock-down, drag-out fight over who’s
responsible for the overflowing toilet.
Or you could have serious issues, such as a disagreement on when to have
a child.
While we would all like marriage to be a blissful experience, the fact
of the matter is that it is a situation ripe with stress. There is the daily stress of simply trying to
live together in harmony, in addition to the occasional strains over various
disagreements. The tension can be
magnified if you or your loved one have just been diagnosed with cancer or a
serious heart condition. If your child
has just been arrested for drug possession, the tensions between the two of you
can also escalate.
Luckily, much of the stress within marriage is entirely manageable. For instance, you can diffuse a great deal of
tension just by making a commitment to spend more time together. A number of couples benefit from scheduling a
“date night” when they make sure that they spend a few hours alone. The date night can include dinner, dancing,
or just a walk in the woods. The
important thing is to simply re-connect, to re-discover all those things that
caused you to fall in love in the first place.
You might also find it helpful to engage in some recreational activity
together. Whether it’s skiing, using
nautilus equipment, or bowling, exercise can be relaxing and can help you to
better manage your stress level. Exercise
also allows you to see your spouse in a different light—as a partner rather
than a competitor. In the end, you might
find that you are both happier and healthier as a result of exercise.
Another technique that can help you to handle marital stress is to
schedule a “couple’s meeting” each week.
This is a time set aside for re-focusing on your priorities, to discuss
any problems that have come up during the week, and to plan ahead for the coming
week. At times, you might have
disagreements during such meetings. But
the important thing is to communicate and to do so consistently.
But what if your marital stress becomes unbearable? The important thing is to keep the lines of
communication open between yourself and your spouse. But, if you still find yourself to be under a
great deal of stress, consider consulting an outside party. For instance, you might try to schedule a
session with your pastor in order to hash out the differences between yourself
and your mate. Or you might consult a
marriage therapist who is an expert at helping to resolve differences between
spouses. You must recognize, however,
that such sessions require a great deal of work and emotional commitment. You cannot expect to attend one session and
have your stress go away. It could take
months before you are able to get your marital stress under control.
Marital stress is serious business.
If not dealt with effectively, it can easily lead to divorce—a divorce
you might regret later on. Make a
commitment to deal with marital stress as soon as it appears. That way, you can work to ensure that small
problems do not lead to big ones, exacerbating your stress. By
following some simple steps, you can re-charge your batteries, reduce your
stress, and fall in love with your spouse all over again.
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