When Your Stress Level is Sorely Tested

         It might have begun with your first spelling test in second grade.  Your stomach became queasy as you tried to recall all the right letters.  You might have felt your heart pounding and your knuckles turned white.  Your head might have hurt as you tried in vain to concentrate.  When you received a “D” on the test, your stress level only intensified.  You automatically viewed yourself as a failure.

         By the time it came to the SATs, you had been through years of test-taking.  Yet, when the moment of truth arrived, you found yourself biting the eraser on your pencil incessantly.  You found your eyes couldn’t quite focus, and your attention span seemed non-existent.  As a result of such reactions, you find yourself taking the SATs again and again, without appreciably improving your score.

          There can be little doubt that taking a test is a highly stressful experience, no matter what your age.  A test can determine whether you advance to the next grade…whether you’ll graduate from high school…whether you’ll get into college.  Because education is so critical to professional and financial advancement,  a test can be either the door to prosperity…or the roadblock to success.

          You have to realize that you’ll always be undergoing some stress when you take a test.  However, there are ways that you can minimize the amount of stress you feel.  For instance, you might take a course in how to prepare for tests.  This is especially important for taking the SATs and ACTs.  There are certain strategies you can use—such as answering the easiest questions first, learning to pace yourself, not panicking at the first question you don’t know the answer to.  These strategies can help you no matter what kind of a test you are taking.

            Another technique that has proven effective with many students is to take practice tests in anticipation of your exam.  While the questions you face on your actual exam will not be the same as the sample questions, they should prove to be similar.  In this way, you can prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for your exam. 

            Yet another important strategy to use is to make sure that you get plenty of rest the night before a test.  Fatigue can sap your strength, causing you to lose your concentration.  If you are tired, you are also likely to become frustrated as you go about your test.  The more frustrated you are, the worse your score is likely to be.  Making sure that you get a good night’s sleep the night before can improve your outlook immeasurably, giving you the positive attitude you need in order to succeed.

             Likewise, it is important that you get appropriate nutrition.  Sugary snacks can actually deplete your energy, making it harder for you to concentrate.  They can also add significantly to your stress level.  By eating a sensible diet of fruits, vegetables, lean meats, and whole grains, you can prepare yourself physically for the challenge of test-taking.  

             Another successful strategy can be to employ a tutor to assist you with your studying.  A tutor helps you to focus and can help to improve your study habits.  The tutor can also instill a certain measure of discipline in your preparations.  With your tutor’s support, you should feel more confident and better able to handle the stress of test-taking.

             In a similar vein, consider trying to find a mentor.  A mentor can act as a coach, helping to build your self-esteem.  You can learn a great deal from a mentor’s career.  He or she can share the strategies used in order to climb the ladder of success.  You might find your stress level decreasing significantly with a mentor on your side.

            Test-taking is a skill which can be learned.  Knowing this fact should help to ease your stress.  With time and patience, you can learn to take tests as a pro.  Recognize, however, that at times you might not be able to perform as you would wish.  While you might encounter setbacks along the way, you have to realize that it takes dedication to reach your ultimate goal.   With a good preparation plan in place, you can master the art of taking tests—and your anxiety should slowly disappear.  

When Stress Becomes Unbearable

          A soldier, just back from the war in Iraq, is haunted by nightmares of bodies on the battlefield.  A woman keeps replaying in her mind the day that she was brutally raped.  A man has flashbacks of the time that he was beaten by his step-father.  These incidents are the result of stress—a special kind of stress.  It is a stress so overpowering, so overwhelming that it is known as post-traumatic stress disorder. 

          The important thing to remember about post-traumatic stress disorder is that it is far more common than one might think.  First brought to the public’s attention following the Vietnam War, post-traumatic stress disorder afflicts everyone from earthquake victims to survivors of kidnapping.  Often, PTSD, as it is known, occurs when an individual’s life has been threatened, or the life of someone close to him or her has been jeopardized.   More than five million people are believed to be affected by the disorder. 

            There are a number of tell-tale signs of post-traumatic stress disorder.  For instance, an individual might experience continual flashbacks or nightmares.  He or she may experience feelings of irritability or frustration.  He or she might have an exaggerated startle response, such as jumping when hearing a noise in an otherwise quiet room.  He or she may lose interest in work, relationships, or other things that used to be enjoyed.  The symptoms may become especially pronounced when the anniversary of the traumatic event rolls around. 

         Although stories of soldiers with PTSD are well-known, women are actually more susceptible to the disorder.  Also, there is evidence that there may be a genetic predisposition for PTSD.  PTSD can lead to major depression, alcoholism, or drug abuse.  If a specific person was responsible for the trauma—say a husband, boyfriend, or neighbor—the after-effects may be particularly bad.

           It is interesting to note that a specific sound or smell can trigger a flashback for an individual suffering from PTSD.  This is part of the reason that the disorder is so troubling.  In essence, the individual has difficulty escaping the memory of what happened to him or her.  The recurring nightmares and flashbacks are signs that the individual has not been able to process the memory appropriately.

         An individual afflicted with PTSD may feel a sense of hopelessness.  Since his or her ordeal seems to be repeating itself, he or she may find it difficult to come to terms with the event.  This is why PTSD is such a debilitating condition.  However, it is important to recognize the fact that there is hope for those struggling with this disorder.  Through talk therapy and medication, an individual can learn how to properly process the traumatic memory.  The nightmares and flashbacks eventually disappear, as the individual receives a new leash on life.  

        It should be pointed out that there is no instant fix or cure for PTSD.  It can haunt people for months, if not years.  It is a mental condition that is still shrouded in a great deal of secrecy.  There are also many misunderstandings about the disorder.  It may cause someone to miss work, or to lose his or her job entirely.  It can wreck marriages and other close relationships.   A great deal of additional research needs to be done in order to adequately address the problem of PTSD.

         In the meantime, there are specific steps you can take to lessen the likelihood that you will suffer from the disorder.  If you have become the victim of a traumatic event, seek help immediately.  Discuss the incident with your family doctor and ask him or her for a referral to a therapist and psychiatrist.  Don’t wait until your symptoms are out of control before you seek help.   While this type of stress is not curable, it is entirely treatable.  The important thing for you to remember is that you are not alone, that there are a number of mental health experts who stand ready to help you.  Also, try to think of yourself as a survivor rather than as a victim.  You may find you are better able to cope with the stress that way.  Also, recognize the fact that the incident, though traumatic, has passed.  Once you realize that you are unlikely again to go through such a horror, you may be able to put the incident into the proper perspective.

When Marital Breakup Happens

       You had high hopes for your marriage.  Your first meeting was ideal—at a local church picnic.  Your courtship was a dream—many moonlight walks along the riverfront.  Your wedding day brought tears of joy to your eyes.  But then tensions began to arise and the marriage fell apart.  As a result, you are now heading to divorce court.

       Getting a divorce is more than just a traumatic event—it is one of the most stressful things that can happen in your life.  You have come to rely on your husband or wife as your partner, as your soul mate, as your rock.  Now, you must learn to do without, and the pain can seem intolerable.  The stress can make you feel as if you don’t want to eat and you no longer want to take part in the activities you once enjoyed—especially those activities you did as a couple.  You might wonder if you will ever feel whole and relaxed again.

        The sad fact is that families are broken by divorce each day.  In fact, it has become an all-too-common occurrence in our modern world.  Yet, there are proven strategies you can engage in in order to reduce the amount of stress you incur as a result of your divorce.  While your divorce may still be painful, you’ll be able to weather it better if you follow a few simple recommendations.

         One of the most stressful aspects of a divorce is the acrimony between the two parties.  In order to make the process as smooth as possible, choose a lawyer you can trust.  You might go to your family member, a friend, or even your doctor for a recommendation.  You’ll want a lawyer who specializes in family law to ensure that your case is handled well.  Try to select a lawyer who is a good negotiator rather than one who tries to make his or her mark in the courtroom.  That way, if difficulties arise, you’ll have someone in your corner who is determined to try to reach a peaceful settlement rather than attempt to battle things out in the courtroom.

         Another stressful part of any divorce proceeding is child custody issues.  If at all possible, try to work out custody before you ever go to court.  A custody battle can be a long, intense process and it should be avoided if at all possible.  If you can simply not agree on custody issues, you’ll have to prepare yourself for battle.  The more prepared you are, the better able you will be to handle the stress of the custody dispute.  Make a list of all the reasons your children should stay with you.  Realistically assess both your faults and those of the other parent.  In this way, you’ll have a good understanding of the issues that are likely to come up in your custody case.

       Yet another element to divorce is the financial aspect.  A divorce can literally wreck your finances, so you will have to have a strategy in place to deal with the fall-out.  Make a realistic budget and stick with it.  Make sure you have an accounting of your personal assets and those you held with your spouse.  Determine whether there is any joint property worth fighting for.  Also, keep tabs on your credit report.  Your spouse’s reluctance to pay bills could show up as negative information on your own report.

        As you go through the divorce process, consider joining a support group.  This can lessen your stress considerably.  Knowing that there are other people who are going through the same situation you are can be a tremendous aid in helping you to combat stress.  You’ll have someone—or even a group of people—to turn to when things get rough.

        There is no escaping the stress associated with divorce.  However, the actions you take can enable you to significantly reduce your stress level.  Also, it is important for you to keep in mind that a divorce is a transitory event.  While some divorce cases last for years, there will eventually be an end to your divorce.  The critical thing is for you to take each day as it comes and not to put yourself under more stress than you can handle.

Turning a Spotlight on Anxiety Disorders

      You may be restless at night, tossing and turning in your bed because of excessive worry.  You may find yourself cracking under pressure, whether when preparing for a test or when you get ready to report to the boss.  But does your uneasiness qualify as actual anxiety?
       We seem to be an angst-ridden society.  Television news programs offer us a long list of worries:  from what’s in your toddler’s milk to whether your high schooler will graduate with a 4.0 average.  It seems at times as if we are a nation of worry warts.  We obsess about crime, the stock market, civil rights, hunger, AIDs, the SATs, and global warming.  You might even nickname your local newspaper “The Worry Pages.”
         In order to effectively deal with anxiety, we must first be able to define it.  There are certain recognizable symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder which you should pay attention to.  For instance, anxiety can be characterized by restlessness, an inability to relax, shakiness, and tics.  You may feel your heart racing or feel light-headed.  Your stomach might seem queasy and you may experience shortness of breath.
          You might seem overwhelmed by a feeling of fear.  You might dread tomorrow because you wonder what disasters will befall your family.  You may experience insomnia, irritability, impatience, and an inability to concentrate.  You may also feel impatient or on edge.
           If any of these symptoms persist for more than a month, you have probably succumbed to generalized anxiety disorder.   Your anxiety might be so severe that you also experience a phobia.  This is an irrational worry about a situation—a worry so debilitating that you go out of your way to avoid a certain object or situation.  While you yourself may sense that something is wrong, you may feel as if you lack the power to do anything about it.  If the fear is severe, it is considered a full-fledged disorder.  While phobias may not always plague those with anxiety disorders, they may accompany anxiety.  
        You should know that there are three major types of phobias.  Agoraphobia is a fear of a public place such as a shopping mall or town square.  You may have a fear that you will not be able to escape the area if you need to.  Meanwhile, a social phobia is a fear of talking with or otherwise interacting with people.  You may fear that you will embarrass yourself in front of a person or group.    A simple phobia is a fear of a particular object or activity such as dogs, flying, or germs.    
        Anxiety can also lead to a panic disorder.  A panic attack generally involves racing heart beat, chest pain, dizziness, perspiration, or a fear of dying.   It can be highly debilitating, preventing an individual from being able to perform work or another important function.  It can seriously curtail one’s social life, causing an individual to become isolated.

          There are numerous causes of anxiety.  These include stress, nutritional problems, and chemical imbalances.   Treatment most often comes in the form of prescription drugs such as Clonidine or Clonazepam.  You should be careful, however, to review the side-effects of such drugs.  In some cases, patients might find themselves to be dependent on the medication.
            You might also find that it helps to become part of a support group.  There is a special bond which grows between individuals who are forced to combat the same demons.  You may discover that you can draw strength from talking with other people who share the same struggles you do.  With such support, you won’t feel so alone.  It’s comforting to know that there is someone you can turn to in the midst of your pain.
           Anxiety can be a painful and debilitating condition, harming one’s self-image, one’s relationship with family members, and one’s ability to perform one’s job.  It can also lead to panic attacks, which lead to another set of serious problems.  Fortunately, there has been a great deal of research in recent years regarding anxiety disorders.  With appropriate treatment, people who suffer from anxiety disorders can learn to function effectively.  However, treatment often involves a great deal of work and determination.  In time, you should be able to ascertain the most effective methods of treating your condition.   

The Stress of Pregnancy

       It may be the most important moment of your life—the moment that you learn that you’re pregnant, or you find out that your wife is pregnant.  It is a moment of infinite possibilities.  You wonder whether your child will grow up to be the next Mozart or the next Marie Curie.  You go through baby name books endlessly, wondering what to call your bundle of joy.  You go to the paint store, hoping to pick out just the right shade for your child’s nursery.  You register at a baby merchandise store, hoping to get just what you need for your baby shower.  

       However, while it can be a time of unbridled joy, pregnancy may also be a period of intense stress.  You may be worried about the weight gain associated with pregnancy.  Or you may be wondering whether your baby will be healthy.  You may be anxious about your finances, especially if they weren’t good before the news of your baby’s arrival.  You may also be wondering how your relationship with your spouse will change as a result of the pregnancy.  You may even be wondering how your relationship with your parents will be altered as a result of your new baby.  You may also be worried about the experience of childbirth and the amount of pain involved.

        Most importantly, you might be stressed out about the responsibilities of parenthood.  You may be wondering how good a mother or a father you’ll make.  You may be wondering whether you’ll be a good provider, a good comforter, a good disciplinarian.  You might be wondering about feeding schedules and middle-of-the-night diaper changes. 

        All of these worries are natural.  However, it is important that your worries do not cause you intolerable anxiety.  There are specific steps you can take to lessen the stress of pregnancy.  If you hope to make the transition to parenthood as smooth as possible, it’s critical that you follow these simple relaxation techniques.

        To begin with, it can be helpful to take a childbirth class.  Even if you aren’t contemplating natural childbirth, such classes provide a wealth of information—information that can help put your mind at ease.  You’ll receive information about how to have a healthy pregnancy, about proper diet for the prospective mother, about the process of childbirth, and about the care and feeding of your baby. 

         In addition, childbirth classes often provide you with information about relaxation techniques.  These include not only breathing exercises, but imagery exercises that can help soothe your nerves.  The good thing is that you’ll be going through the relaxation exercises with your partner, so you can both receive the benefit of them.  Many childbirth educators encourage practicing these relaxation exercises right before you go to bed at night, so you can learn how to relax your muscles right before you try to go to sleep.

         It may also be a good idea to attend La Leche League meetings during your pregnancy if you intend to breast-feed.  Breast-feeding can be a daunting experience for a new mother, so you’ll want to get all the information you can about the process.  The La Leche League meetings also put you in touch with experienced breast-feeding mothers who can help to coach you through the rough times.  Some groups also provide a phone list that you can consult whenever you need advice—anytime of the day or night.

        If you’re experiencing a great deal of pregnancy-related stress, it is also important that you discuss it with your obstetrician.  He or she might have additional recommendations for you, as far as coping techniques are concerned.  He or she can also let you know whether your stress is affecting your baby, which can be critically important in putting your mind at ease.

        Pregnancy can and should be a joyous time.  However, there is little doubt that there is a great deal of stress involved in the process.  The more informed you are about pregnancy and childbirth, the better able you will be to cope.  Seeking out other mothers and fathers during this critical time can also be important for your emotional well-being.  By relying on other people for support, you can reduce your stress level significantly and truly enjoy the latter stages of your pregnancy.    
    
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The Stress of Paying With Plastic

       You might have gotten your first credit card offer when you were still in college.  It was exciting—the idea that you could be entrusted with a credit card account.  You could suddenly buy things you never dreamed possible.  Your standard of living seemed to grow considerably.  This was especially important during your college years, when money was so tight.

       You may have run up your credit card balances when you had your first child.  You had to buy so many things—a bassinet, crib, stroller—and a credit card seemed a good way to pay for it.  You might have realized that it was wrong to overcharge, but you felt as if you had no other option.  Suddenly, you found yourself facing a mountain of credit card debt.

       Millions of us use credit cards each day to pay for both major ticket items and minor goods.  Credit cards are a multi-billion dollar industry, and the industry seems to be growing all the time.  Yet, there can be a tremendous amount of stress associated with paying with plastic.  This stress can also be difficult to alleviate, since credit card use can be so addictive.

       There can be the stress involved in paying off your monthly balances.  The balances might grow so great, in fact, that you may have trouble paying them off entirely.  There can be the stress involved in trying to manage multiple credit cards.  Also, you might find yourself stressed out by even minimum monthly payments.  If you have to balance other major bills, such as a mortgage and car payments, the financial stress can seem overwhelming.

      How do you deal with such stress?  There are a number of strategies you can use.  To begin with, you can try cutting up your credit cards.  This will eliminate the temptation to overspend altogether.  When your balances are no longer rising, you might find it easier to deal with credit card debt. 

      However, you may view credit cards as a natural part of life.  Therefore, you might not want to eliminate them from your wallet.  In such a case, you must learn to somehow deal with credit card debt.  There are a couple of different ways to do this.  For instance, you might call the credit card company and try to re-negotiate your interest rate.  This may require you to talk with a supervisor, but it can be well worth the effort.  Cutting your interest rate can significantly lower your payments.

      Another technique you can use is to put yourself on a credit card budget.  Figure out, realistically, how much credit card debt you can handle each month.  Once you figure out your limit, do not go over it under any circumstances.  Otherwise, you could find yourself paying significant monthly payments.

      Also, try, if at all possible, to pay your credit card bills on time.  This means eliminating late fees, which can prove to be a significant expense.  By paying your bills on time, you will improve your credit rating and you’ll find yourself dealing with less stress.

     In some cases, the best way to deal with credit card stress is to discuss your problems with a credit counselor.  He or she may be able to work out a more manageable payment plan for you.  With the counselor’s help, you should also learn techniques for better managing your money.  Best of all, such counseling is free, so it will not cause you additional financial stress.  You may find yourself to be tremendously relieved after talking with a credit counselor about your problems. 

      You should not be embarrassed by the fact that you are undergoing major credit card stress.  It can literally happen to anyone, particularly since credit cards are so widely available.  The important thing to remember is that credit card stress, while difficult, is completely manageable.  By invoking proven money management strategies, you can learn to deal effectively with your stress.  You may even find that using credit cards becomes an enjoyable experience, since you are doing it so rarely.   Also, be sure to talk with members of your family about the stress you are undergoing.  They may be able to help ease your stress level—and they may curb their own spending habits as a result.      

The Stress of Mental Illness

       It might have started with a panic attack during your algebra exam in high school.  It then might have progressed into depression in college, and post-partum depression after the birth of your first child.  At times, you might have even felt so desperate that you wanted to commit suicide.

      Or perhaps you have a brother who seems in the grips of full-blown paranoia.  No matter how much you try, you just cannot reach him.  He’s convinced that the FBI is watching his every move, and no one can convince him otherwise.  You want him to seek professional help, but he is reluctant to do so.

       Mental illness can create tremendous stress for a family.  Because the illness is so misunderstood, there is the problem of the stigma attached to it.  You might be ashamed or embarrassed, either by your own mental illness or that of a close family member or friend.  You may feel as if you are all alone, that no one else could possibly understand what you are going through.

       Mental illness routinely creates financial stress for families.  Sometimes, overspending is a sign of manic-depressive disorder.  A depressed person might invest too much of the family income on a collection of guns or hunting knives.  Disputes over finances can create great tensions for families, making it difficult for them to cope.

       In addition, mental illness creates tensions within interpersonal relationships.  You might be angry with a partner’s mood swings—not understanding that it is a situation beyond his or her control.  You may be frustrated with a brother who doesn’t seem able to hold down a job.  You may simply not understand a sister whose promiscuous lifestyle you consider to be dangerous.

        The important thing to realize is that, while the stress of mental illness can seem unbearable at times, it is entirely manageable.  If you are the individual suffering from mental illness, make an appointment to see a reputable therapist.  He or she can help you sort out your problems and can recommend a psychiatrist who can find the medication that is right for you.

       Part of the stress of mental illness can be the difficulty involved in finding a medication that works.  You may find the side-effects of a particular drug difficult to deal with at first.  Psychiatrists say it is best if you follow the doctor’s recommendation and try to manage the side-effects as best you can.  Going off your medication can have disastrous consequences—and can lead to a great deal more stress.

       At times, you might find that your mental illness requires you to go into the hospital for a time.  Such hospitalizations can increase your stress level.  However, if you think of the hospital stays as just steps on the road to recovery, you will be able to handle the stress much more effectively.

      Coping with another’s mental illness can be even more stressful.  Mental illness can be quite unpredictable, so it can drain your emotional reserves.  It can be highly difficult dealing with a situation that changes so abruptly from one minute to the next.  One of the best things you can do for yourself is to join a support group for family members of the mentally ill.  This can be tremendously cathartic.  You will be able to talk to other people who are going through the same things that you are going through.  You can draw comfort and strength from this network of individuals.   Some members of your support group may even allow you to call them at home to discuss your problems further.  There is no substitute for a listening ear, especially in the rough times.

         You may also want to consider family counseling.  In this way, the entire family can be involved in a loved one’s recovery from mental illness.  You’ll be able to learn healthy coping strategies for dealing with another’s illness, and you will be able to communicate in an open, supportive atmosphere.

        There is little doubt that mental illness can lead to life-long stress.  However, with a little bit of effort, you can learn to manage this stress effectively.  And you will find that you and your family are better off as a result.